Stop Trying to Be Yourself to Become Yourself

Being forced to change by outside influence,

I could not have unconfidence,
I was forced to gain confidence,
Because of the negative repercussions on others if I did not have that confidence.

I was not allowed to have the belief, “I am just a coward and an introvert and of a timid nature.”

Instead, “I am who You say I am”,
because in serving a different purpose, who I actually am is revealed through how I am called to be in the way that would be in harmony with the world if I were to show up in the role set before me.

I am in my day playing many roles, from fool to king to wizard to madman to devil to angel,
and my role is situational as to what life is asking for.

As I get better at this, it is easier to perform as my role and less difficult to not say, “No, that isn’t me.”

But in between it, my fight to have more consciousness means I am cutting out significant time to exist and watch the sky, the sun and the moon and the wind.
This allows a consistent being between roles and moods and feelings.

And yet with all of this the gurus are not lying.

The reason they say you need to participate with society and not retreat to the mountains is this,
I now see,
It’s because when you play the role that life is asking you to play in the moment,
You are not being yourself.
You are not being your false self.

It is true, if you perform your role perfectly, no one will ever know who you were.

That fear, “what if no one knows who I really am”
it shows up, no one is seeing you, they only see the role.
If they see you, you aren’t doing a perfect job.

When you operate fully in the moment, and your roles change as the world changes before you,
you begin to see that two things are true,

One, the fear is accurate, no one will know who you “really were.”

Two, who you really were never existed. It was a character you invented that you wanted to sell. The only person who knew about the fiction was you.

Notice the less conscious a person is the more attached they are to their conclusions about who they are.

The more conscious a person is the less conclusive they are about their character.

Somehow paradoxically as well,
The more you stop trying to be yourself,
The more authentic you become.